Breathe Me
by Cadalinda
Summary: Chuck Left Blair and Blair fell apart. Not like all the other stoires about him leaving. Bad at summs just check it out n tellme what you think
1. Breath Me

**A/N: Hey everyone! This will be my first Gossip Girl Fic and I'm so excited. I love the show and I books I have them all from the first and second sets. This story is going to be a little dark and twisty dealing a lot with Blair's disorder and other things. This first chapter is going to be short and then the story will back track for 4 chapters. Well I wont keep you waiting any more. As all writers I love to hear what you think so review and let me know how I'm doing.**

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

Blair's world was swirling around her. She was lying on her bathroom floor just looking at the wall. Everything in the last four months had been hell for her. Chuck had left her with just a note, all her calls went unreturned. With each passing day the pain had turned her numb to the point where she didn't know what was what any more. He had just thrown her away and left without a second thought of how this would hurt her. She brought her hand up to her lips to trace her fingers along her bottom lip wishing she could kiss him one last time. She turned her head toward the toilet and felt horrible for what she had become again. After making promises never to do it again she started. But this time it was different it wasn't just the throwing up just lifted her arm to see the blood dripping down it. She couldn't live with being numb or feeling the pain so this was her way out. She brought her hand back down to her side letting her mind slip back to his face. Her mind was far away when she heard banging on the door.

"Blair it's Serena open up please." Blair could hear the worry in Serena's voice. She didn't want anyone to stop her so she just stayed the way she was.

"Blair open the door." She heard Nate yell through the door. Everything was slowly fading to black and she was happy to let go. She looked to the door one last time mouthing a silent "Sorry" to her friends on the other side. Turning her head back to the ceiling she let the tears fall for the first time today. This was really it for her at least the pain would be gone.

"I'll always love you Chuck." She said it out loud to herself hoping that some how he would hear her and know her last thoughts were of him. Blair closed her eyes slowly fading to black when she heard his voice.

"Blair baby open the door please." He voice was smooth as always but it was to late she was slipping away.

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_

Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

_Breathe Me Sia_


	2. My Immortal

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_Four Months Earlier_

Blair was lying in bed on her stomach with her hand hanging over the edge of the bed Chuck's note held tightly. She had read the four lines over and over again hoping that some how they could change. No matter how much she wished or prayed the note stayed the same and he was gone. Rolling on her back she let the note drop out of her hand and land on the floor. Blair saw her cell light up with an incoming text so she decided to read it.

_B I'm worried call me please. S_

There were 30 texts and even more missed calls from everyone but Chuck. Shutting her phone again not bothering to answer anyone back she turned on her dvd player and started to watch a movie. She tired watching Breakfast at Tiffany's but it didn't do anything so she decided on The Way We Were. Nothing she was doing could take her mind away from Chuck. Right now she felt so many different things for him it was over whelming. She was mad for the way he left, sad because of everything he's been through and worried if he was ok. She couldn't take it anymore she picked up her phone and called him again. Once again no answer it went to his voicemail. The moment she heard his voice she couldn't hold back her tears.

"Chuck its Blair. Call me I'm worried about you and I miss you. Please come home. Please." She hung up her phone and dropped it on her bed pulled her knees back to her chest and cried. Blair was sick of crying it seemed like that was all she had been doing since he left. Pulling herself off her bed she ran down to the kitchen and ate everything she could get her hands on. With each bite she took the pain seemed to ease so she kept eating until there was nothing left to eat. Once she was finished eating she looked around at what she had done and took off running into her bathroom. It didn't take much to make herself sick and before she knew it she had broken a promise he had made. Once she was finished she curled herself into a ball on the bathroom floor and cried.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

Chuck was sitting on the couch in his hotel suite surrounded by empty bottles and a bunch of coke. Since he left all he did was drink, get high and have sex with a bunch of meaningless girls he wished was her. Every morning when he woke up to the memory of her tear stained face as he drove away from her haunted him. No matter what he did he couldn't get her out of his mind. For the first time since he left he wasn't drunk nor high, everything around him was left over from last night. He didn't know why but he wanted to be able to think clear. Looking around the room he seen the mess everything was in and the mess he had become. Chuck was brought out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. Looking at the screen he seen her name flashing. He couldn't answer it no matter how bad he wanted to he couldn't hear the pain in her voice knowing he caused it. Once the phone was done ringing he seen that she left a message. Holding his breath he called his voicemail and listened to her message. As soon as he heard her voice he could hear the pain and tears. Closing his eyes he could see her face right now all red and puffy tears flowing down her cheeks. After the message was done he deleted it from his phone and started to write a text message.

_Blair I'm ok and I'm sorry don't hate me._

Once he was done writing the message his finger hung over the send button before he moved it to the end button erasing everything he just wrote. No matter how much he wanted to he could send her the message or call her he wasn't ready to go back.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

_Evanescence- My Immortal_


	3. It Only Hurts When I Breathe

_Hope life's been good to you  
since you've been gone  
I'm doin' fine now I've finally moved on  
It's not so bad I'm not that sad_

I'm not surprised just how well I survived  
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive  
I can't complain I'm free again

_Three Months Earlier_

Slowly Blair was pulling it together. The person who shall not be named had been gone a whole month and each day she thought about him a little less. The only problem she had now was her bulimia was back. If she was being honest with herself she would know that she wasn't really upset by the fact it was the only thing she could control anymore. Blair was lying in her bed when her phone started vibrating beside her head.

_Morning B…. I'll be there in 20 to get you for shopping S_

Blair knew she had to start going out again. She had kept herself locked in the house for a month only going out when absolutely needed. Blair rolled out of bed landing on the floor slowly getting up to get dressed. Her body was weak and tired but she knew it was her own doing. Blair checked her phone again she couldn't believe that 10 minutes had already past since Serena's message. Quickly pulling out something to wear she threw it on and got ready. Before Blair knew it Serena was skipping into her room looking all cheerful.

"Did you do something slutty?" Serena looked shocked and tried her best to fake hurt.

"No B I'm just happy to see you up and moving." Serena jumped onto the bed lying down next to where Blair was sitting.

"Where are we going?" Usually Blair was the planner but today she didn't care.

"Well since it is almost Christmas then new years we are going to get outfits for both days. Then we are going to Tiffany's to pick out our gifts from Nate. Oh and Cyrus asked me to find out what you want for Hanukah. Are you celebrating Hanukah?"

"I guess we are." Blair couldn't help but laugh a little at the thought.

"Well then we better get started lady." Serena got up pulling Blair along side with her. The girls went to Tiffany's first Serena knew it would get Blair in the mood to shop. Once the girls were done there they went straight to the Valentino store. The girls were laughing and joking while looking for what to wear. After having multiple items put in dressing rooms the girls went back to try them on. Serena was the first to get her dress on then called out to Blair.

"B I'm ready are you dresses?" Serena opened the door to Blair's fitting room just in time to see her best friends back along with very rib. "B are you ok?" Blair knew right away what she was talking about. Putting on her best fake smile she turned to Serena.

"Ya S why do you ask?"

"You look like you've lost weight again I can see all your bones."

"I haven't lost weight." Blair was starting to get defensive.

"B are you doing it again?" The question made Blair go over the edge.

"No S I am not doing it again." Her words were filled with anger and hate.

"Ok ok." Serena held her hands up in defence. "I just don't want to lose you." Blair's face soften at her words.

"Don't worry you'll never lose me."

_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath to forget_

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night  
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right  
I've never looked back as a matter of fact

_it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath to forget_

_Hurts when I'm breathing  
Breaks when it's beating  
Die when I'm dreaming  
It only hurts when I breathe_

_It Only Hurts When I Breathe-Shania Twain_


	4. I Miss You

_Hello there, the angel from my nightmare  
The shadow in the background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley  
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want  
Where you can always find me  
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas  
And in the night we'll wish this never ends  
We'll wish this never ends_

_(I miss you, miss you)  
(I miss you, miss you)_

_Two Months Earlier_

Serena and Blair were getting ready for the New Years parties at Serena's. It was the first time Blair had been back there since he left and she was surprisingly ok. She thought about him less and less each day only thinking about him in her dreams. The girls had got a late start to getting ready so they were already behind. Blair had already showered and was just waiting for her hair to set in her curlers while Serena shower. The two girls where the only ones home right now so Blair started walking around looking for something to do. She had been there many times before but since Bart died everything seemed different. She was walking down the hall when she stopped in front of his door. Her mind was screaming for her to walk away but her body had other plans. Before she knew it her hand was on the knob opening his door. The second the door was opened all she could smell was him and it made her eyes tear up. Walking into his room everything was the same as when he left it. Blair went in and sat down on his bed looking around taking in everything. Before she could think she was talking.

"I know this stupid and you can't hear me but this is the first time I've felt close to you since you left." If someone heard her they would have thought she was crazy sitting in an empty room talking to herself. "I am so mad at you for leaving me but I'm also worried if you are ok and I miss you so much it hurts." Blair now had streams of tears running down her face. "I want you to come home so much it makes me crazy. I love you Chuck Bass and I want you back here." Feeling crazy enough Blair stopped talking wiped her face and was about to leave his room when she noticed one of his watches sitting on his dresser. She picked it up and left. At least if he wasn't here with her tonight she would have his watch. By the time she was back in Serena's room she was just getting out of the shower.

"Where were you B?"

"I was in his room." Blair had a sad smile on her face.

"Aww sweetie are you ok?" Serena sat down on the bed

"Ya I'm fine I just miss him. I found his watch though. Do you think it would be ok if I wore it?" Serena smiled at her.

"Of Corse. And it will totally go with you dress." Serena tried her best to lighten the mood and it worked. Both girls broke into a fit of giggles. The two got up and finished getting ready for the night ahead of them. Before they knew Nate was at the door ready to pick them up.

"Well hello ladies are we ready for night." Nate already was drinking you could tell by the look on his face. Blair couldn't help but get into a good mood. She was about to start a new year with her two best friends. She was going to forget everything that happened last year and start fresh.

"Nate" Both girls yelled and run into his arms.

"Well I can see that I am loved." He let go of the both of them. Then gave them both kisses on the cheek.

"Happy New Years my beautifuls." He pulled two roses out of his jacket that have now been mashed up but the bear hug that was inflicted on him.

"Aww thanks Nattie." Blair gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Are you two ready to go or what?" Nate hated waiting for them to get ready when they were going out.

"Ready." Serena came out from her room with hers and Blair's coats in hand. "Let's go." With a girl on each side of Nate their arms hook together and they left. The three jumped in a cab and headed out to their fabulous New Years.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Chuck was sitting in some bar surround by girls dancing on tables and fighting for his attention. His mind was in one place and one place only. New York and Blair. The calls and texted had stopped which was bitter sweet for him. He was glad that she was moving on but he also didn't want her to let go. He looked down at his phone and seen that it was two minutes to midnight in New York and he had to call her. Dialling a number he hadn't in months he waited while it rang. Hearing her voicemail something in him would hang up he needed to leave a message.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Blair walked back to the table with Serena to grabbed their drinks for the count down. She noticed that her phone was glowing. She seen there was a missed called and a voice mail but didn't see who it was from.

"B come on there less then minute left." Serena pulled on her hand.

"Just let me check this." Dialling her voicemail waited to enter her password.

"10 9 8 7 6." Everyone started to shout around her. Putting in her password her heart stopped when she heard his voice.

"I miss you."With those 3 words her heart started to break again and her world started to fall apart all over again.

"5 4 3 2 1.. Happy New Years."

_Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time  
And as I stared I counted  
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
And hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight_

Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already  
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

_I Miss You- Blink 182_

**A/N: Hello my wonderful readers. So here is yet another chapter to the wonderful story. We are always back where we started and I am so excited I already have that chapter done. Sorry this chapter wasn't up earlier but you would not believe the trouble I had finding a song to fit here. I changed my mind at least 20 times its just crazy. But I ended up and this one mostly because of the second part of the song. I hope you guys like the choice.**


	5. What Hurts The Most

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me  
What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_One Month Earlier_

The two weeks after New Years Blair tried to call Chuck everyday. Every time she would leave a messages begging for him to come home or just call her back. Slowly she slipped deeper into the depression then when he left. All she did was lie in bed and throw up what little she did eat. Everyday Serena and Nate would call and come by just to check on her or bring her the work she was missing. Her mother called the school to make arrangements for her to be home school until further notice. Both Serena and Nate noticed her wasting away but didn't know what to say or how to help. Today Serena decided that she was going to talk to Blair and find out the truth even if it killed her. On her way to Blair's Serena stopped to get some of Blair's favourite chocolates to bribe her with. The house was silent as always when Serena got there.

"Blair" Serena started to yell up the stairs on her way to her room. Once she got to the room she seen Blair wasn't in her bed so she checked the bathroom. Blair was lying on the floor by the toilet crying. Normally she would have gotten up once she heard Serena calling but today she could care less.

"B are you ok?" Serena lost all her anger towards her when she say her best friend lying helpless. Blair just shook her head no.

"S I am so sorry I broke my promise." Serena just pulled Blair into a hug and rubbed her back.

"You're gonna be ok B we'll get help." The two girls left the bathroom and went to Blair's bed.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

_One Week Earlier_

Serena had been watching Blair like a hawk making sure she ate and didn't throw it up. She knew all of this had been hard on Blair she just didn't know how much it got to her. Blair's mother was still away so Lily insisted that Blair stay with them until she was back. Blair was still not going to school but at least she was out of bed. When Serena got home she was met with the sound of Blair throwing up. Dropping her stuff she ran into the bathroom to stop her. When she got there she was shocked at what she saw. Blair was crying and there was blood all over Blair and the toilet. Her inside were bleeding and she needed help now.

"B listen to be ok we are going to take you to the doctors ok?" Blair just nodded and tried her best to pull herself off the floor. While Blair was changing Serena called Nate.

"Hey N can you meet me and B at her doctors it's getting worse."

"I'm on the way." No one needed to say the word they just all understood. On the way to the doctors Nate called Chuck hoping to get through.

"Hello" Chucks voice was still full with sleep but Nate didn't care.

"Get your ass home now." Nate wasn't in the mood for small talk.

"Well it's nice to hear from you too."

"Chuck I am not kidding get on the first flight home. Blair needs you." At the mention on her name he was fully awake.

"What? What's wrong with Blair?"

"She hasn't been eating and when she does she throws it all back up again. Today Serena found her full of blood." He hoped that this would help her. "She needs you. You're the only one who will convince her to get help."

"What if she doesn't want me home?"

"Trust me she wants you home. She hasn't taken off you watch since she put in on New Years. She listens to your voice mails and cries. Just come back please." Chuck had tears in his eyes hearing how much this has affected her.

"I'm on the first flight home."

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do

_What Hurts The Most- Rascal Flatts._


	6. Breathe Me

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

Blair's world was swirling around her. She was lying on her bathroom floor just looking at the wall. Everything in the last four months had been hell for her. Chuck had left her with just a note, all her calls went unreturned. With each passing day the pain had turned her numb to the point where she didn't know what was what any more. He had just thrown her away and left without a second thought of how this would hurt her. She brought her hand up to her lips to trace her fingers along her bottom lip wishing she could kiss him one last time. She turned her head toward the toilet and felt horrible for what she had become again. After making promises never to do it again she started. But this time it was different it wasn't just the throwing up just lifted her arm to see the blood dripping down it. She couldn't live with being numb or feeling the pain so this was her way out. She brought her hand back down to her side letting her mind slip back to his face. Her mind was far away when she heard banging on the door.

"Blair it's Serena open up please." Blair could hear the worry in Serena's voice. She didn't want anyone to stop her so she just stayed the way she was.

"Blair open the door." She heard Nate yell through the door. Everything was slowly fading to black and she was happy to let go. She looked to the door one last time mouthing a silent "Sorry" to her friends on the other side. Turning her head back to the ceiling she let the tears fall for the first time today. This was really it for her at least the pain would be gone.

"I'll always love you Chuck." She said it out loud to herself hoping that some how he would hear her and know her last thoughts were of him. Blair closed her eyes slowly fading to black when she heard his voice.

"Blair baby open the door please." His voice was smooth as always but it was too late she was slipping away. Chuck never called her baby but he knew he had to do something. Hearing nothing on the other side he tried again. "Baby please just open the door for me." He pushed his ear to the door praying to hear something but didn't. Before he knew what he was doing Chuck kicked the door open breaking the handle. The door swung back hitting the wall with such force it left a dent in the wall. Walking into the bathroom he saw her there lying on the floor blood all around her and a tear stained face.

"Blair talk to me please just talk to me." He felt a pulse it was weak but there. "Nate call 911." Chuck pulled her into his arms holding her against his chest. "I am so sorry for leaving you baby but you can't leave me now come on stay with me." Just then Serena came running into the bathroom with cloths to tie around her arms to stop the bleeding.

"B what did you do." Serena was crying but she needed to help her friend. Nate came back into the bathroom to sit with his friends.

"They are on the way." He couldn't take his eyes off her. His heart was breaking thing her just dying in front on them. Just then 2 paramedics came rushing up the stairs to her bathroom and started to work on her. Being forced out of the bathroom the three of them just stood in the door way watching someone they love fight to hang on even though she didn't want to.

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me_

Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

_Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me  
Breathe Me Sia_

**A/N2: Ok my wonderful readers we are back where we started and now we move forward. One thing that I should have put in the very first chapter is that eating disorders and suicide are very serious things and in no way am I trying to make light of them. For my readers who have followed me from my others stories you know I lost one of the most amazing people I know on New Years day because he hung himself. Not a day goes by where I don't miss him and wish I could have helped him in some way. So in no way am I trying to make it sound fun or ok. To anyone who is reading this please if you are thinking about hurting your self talk to someone and try and get help.**


	7. There Is

_This vacation's useless  
These white pills aren't kind  
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive  
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9  
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights  
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have  
The days have come and gone  
Our lives went by so fast  
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor  
Where I laid and told you, but you sweared you loved me more_

_Do you care if I don't know what to say  
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me  
Will I shake this off pretend its all okay  
That there someone out there who feels just like me  
There is_

Chuck sat in the chair by Blair's bed staring at her whishing she would wake up. She was brought into the hospital twelve hours again and she still wasn't awake. Nate and Serena had left to get some sleep and bring some stuff back for Blair. Her parents were called and trying to get flights back home. He had so many things he wanted to say to her he just needed her to wake up. He felt horrible for the pain he caused her but he was so mad at her for what she did. Chuck held onto her hand and kissed the top of it over and over again.

"Please B wake up. Please." He was so tired but he couldn't sleep right now. He waited another hour before he gave into the sleep. Still in the chair he laid his head down beside her body still holding her hand. It was another two hours before there was any sign of life in the room. Blair opened her eyes slowly letting them adjust to the light. Her head was kissing her and so were her arms. She lifted her right hand up to her face to see her wrist wrapped in bandages. She tried to move her other hand but she felt a dead weight on her arm. Turning her head she saw that it was a guys head pinning her arm to the bed. Looking closer she realize who it was.

"Chuck." Her voice was small and quite. Shaking him with his free arm she tried again. "Chuck." This time it was a louder and caused his to stir. Slowly he lifted his head and saw her big brown eyes staring back at him. Jumping up from his chair he dropped her hand and grabbed her face.

"Oh my god Blair you're ok." He let go of her and pulled her into a hug.

"Chuck what are you doing here?" This is what she has wanted since he left for him to be back but right now she was so mad at him.

"I stayed the night with you." Chuck pulled back from the hug and sat beside her.

"No what are you doing back in New York?" She was trying her best not to cry.

"Nate called me the other day and said that you were throwing up again and you needed help."

"So you came back to pity me. I called you so many times and you never answered. I sent emails and texts and nothing." She didn't bother trying to hide her tears anymore.

"Blair I came back because I missed you and I couldn't stand the thought of you hurting yourself." He reached out to touch her face but she pushed it away. Blair rolled on her side her back facing him.

"I missed you so much. There were so many nights I cried because of you and now you walk back into here like nothing happened." Blair pulled her knees up to her chest and broke down in sobs.

"I stayed away because I didn't know how to handle everything. My dad had just died and I loved you so much. I was scared that I would hurt you." Chuck was trying his best to explain everything but Blair just kept crying.

"It hurt so much and then the call on New Year I had new hope but then you didn't answer the phone again." Chuck took off his shoes and crawled up to lie behind her on the bed.

"Please baby stop crying. It kills me to see you cry. If there was anything I could do to take all those tears and pain back I would but I cant." Chuck was rubbing her hair while he talked to her.

"I missed you so much Chuck." Chuck wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to his chest.

"I missed you too baby." Blair grabbed his hand that was wrapped around her body and pulled him tighter to her back.

"Don't ever leave again." Chuck raised his head a little and kissed her cheek.

"Never again."

_Those notes you wrote me  
I've kept them all  
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall  
With every single letter in every single word  
There will be a hidden message about a boy that  
loves a girl_

Do you care if I don't know what to say  
Will you sleep tonight, will you think of me  
Will I shake this off, pretend its all okay  
that There's someone out there who feels just like me  
There is

_There is-Boxcar Racer._


	8. I'll Be

_When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.  
I'll be the light that shines for you.  
When you forget how beautiful you are  
I'll be there to remind you.  
When you can't find your way,  
I'll find my way to you.  
When troubles come around,  
I will come to you. I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.  
Be your shelter.  
When you need someone to see you through.  
I'll be there to carry you.  
I'll be there.  
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.  
The one that will hold on to you.  
When you feel that rain falling down.  
When there's nobody else around.  
I'll be._

When Blair woke up again she noticed someone sitting at her feet on her bed. Blinking a few times the person became clearer.

"Hey B how are you feeling?" Serena was so happy to see her friend was ok but couldn't hide the tears.

"I feel like hell but it's my own fault." Blair didn't have the energy to live in her perfect world anymore.

"I wish you would have come to me when you started throwing up again."

"I wanted to I really did. But every time I thought about I just could hear you yelling at me for being stupid and breaking my promise to you." Blair was now also crying.

"B I'm sorry that you were afraid to come to me." Serena crawled up the side of the bed to lie beside her friend and hug her. "But on a happier note Chucks back." Serena tired her best to change the mood in the room.

"Ya he's back just so he can leave again when things start getting a little rough." Blair wanted so badly to believe that he would be here to stay but something in her mind said not to believe a word he says.

"He won't leave again. He loves you." Blair winced at the thought of him loving her.

"If he loved me why did he leave? Did anyone think to ask him that?" Blair was starting to raise her voice at Serena.

"That you have to ask him yourself. You two need to talk without the yelling or saying mean things to each other." Blair just turned her head to face the window not wanting to hear anyone defend him. "He told me that when you woke up last night you talked and you slept together. That's a start."

"I was high." Serena couldn't help but laugh at the look on Blair's face. The whole time Serena had been there she was avoiding the big question but she just couldn't do it any longer.

"B why did you do it?" Serena was holding one of Blair's arms in her hand and rubbing the top of the bandages.

"I don't want to talk about it." Blair hadn't really thought about why she had done it. Looking back now she realizes that it was stupid and would never do anything like that again.

"Fine you don't want to talk about it now but we will talk about it later or I will make sure you don't get out of here." Serena knew she was making empty treats but she needed to try something. Blair just rolled her eyes.

"I'm going back to sleep." The hospital had given her pain meds which made her want to sleep all the time.

"I'll be here when you wake up." Serena laid down beside Blair just like Chuck did before.

_And when you're there with no one there to hold.  
I'll be the arms that reach for you.  
And when you feel your faith is running low.  
I'll be there to believe in you.  
When all you find are lies.  
I'll be the truth you need.  
When you need someone to run to .  
You can run to me _

When Blair woke up again it was already night out. Even though before she was brought to the hospital she was sleeping most of the time her body still felt tired and only wanted to sleep. When she took her eyes off the window she saw Chuck sitting in the chair by her bed.

"Well hello Sleeping Beauty." His voice was soft like it always was which made Blair melt.

"Hey" her throat was dry so her voice came out as a whisper. Sitting up in her bed she noticed two other people in her room. Serena was at her feet again and Nate was sitting in a chair opposite to Chuck. All three of them watched waiting for her to do something. Blair knew what was coming so she just stayed quite. Serena was getting sick of waiting.

"B tell us why you did this."

"I told you I don't want to talk about it." Blair was really getting sick of everyone trying to get inside her head.

"Come B this is us the non-judging breakfast club. Please tell us why."

"I really wish I didn't think of that stupid name."

"Do you really want us to go over what we have done that gives us no right to judge." For the first time since they had been there Nate finally spoke. Blair just kept her eyes to the ceiling willing her self not to cry. Chuck decided he was going to try next. Chuck grabbed Blair's hand that was holding onto railing with a death grip.

"Baby please tell us why so we can get you help." Both Nate and Serena were staring at Chuck. That was the second time they had heard him call Blair baby and it shocked them. Chuck didn't call anyone Baby. Not paying attention to the stares he kissed the top of her hand and asked again. "Please tell us." Blair took a deep breath not taking her eyes off the roof. Right now she hated her friends for being here and making her do this but she knew they wouldn't go away. Never taking her eyes away from where they were she started to speak.

"I wanted the pain to stop. I was in so much pain both physically and emotionally I just wanted it all to go away." She couldn't bare to look at her friends faces so she took a deep breath and continued. "I had been throwing up so much it hurt to sallow water, it hurt to breathe even that was all my own doing. Then everything with you leaving and not calling or answering when I'd called. I felt so many different things for you. I was worried if you were ok. I was mad for leaving the way you did. I was sad for you because everything you lost. When you left a little part of me died. I was starting to get over it and then you called on New Years and it ripped everything open all over again." The tears were now free flowing. "I don't blame you for what I did. I made up my own mind to try and kill myself no one else." She turned her head to see Chuck crying.

"Blair I am so sorry for everything I did to you." Chuck jumped out of his chair and pulled her into a hug. "Please forgive me and let me make it up to you." Chuck pulled back from the hug a little brushed some hair from her face and wiped away a tear that was about to fall. "I love you." With those 3 words and 8 letters Blair and everyone in that room seen hope.

_I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.  
Be your shelter.  
When you need someone to see you through.  
I'll be there to carry you.  
I'll be there.  
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.  
The one that will hold on to you.  
When you feel that rain falling down.  
When there's nobody else around.  
I'll be._

_I'll Be- Reba __Mcentire_


	9. Strong Enough

_God, I feel like hell tonight  
Tears of rage I cannot fight (should be lie)  
I'd be the last to help you understand  
Are you strong enough to be my man?  
Nothing's true and nothing's right  
So let me be alone tonight  
Cause you can't change the way I am  
Are you strong enough to be my man?  
Lie to me  
I promise I'll believe  
Lie to me  
But please don't leave_

Blair was getting tired of being in the hospital. She had already been there for three days and was dying to go home. Everyone had come and gone the only one staying through the days and nights was Chuck. Blair was staring up at the ceiling and Chuck was watching TV when the doctor came in to see her.

"Hello Ms Waldorf. How are you today?"

"I'm fine dying to go home though." The doctor couldn't help but chuckle while he was doing her vitals.

"Well I have good news for you then. You are aloud to go home today but you have to see a specialist for you bulimia and also you need to see a councillor about the suicide attempt."

"I really don't need to see a councillor it was a one time thing."Before Blair could continue Chuck cut her off.

"Don't worry doc she will go everywhere she is needed to be." He gave her a sideways glance that let her know there was no getting out of it.

"Fine." Blair threw her arms over her chest like on over grown eight year old. The doctor continued talking about what needed to be done once she left more addressing Chuck then Blair.

"Mr Bass do you mind if we talk in the hall?"

"Not at all." Chuck got up front his chair placing a kiss on the top of Blair's head. "I'll be right back." she didn't bother answering just rolled her eyes. The doctor was already in the hall when Chuck got out there.

"Does Blair have someone who will be there with her when she is released today?"

"Yes I'll be there with her and when I am not her maid will be there why?"

"The next few weeks are going to be hard. She hasn't eaten properly in a few months so her body and her mind will be telling her to reject food. You need to make sure she eats and keeps it down. Also watch for any type of behaviour that would show a replace or that she is going to hurt herself again."

"You don't have to worry I will make sure she is taken care of." Chuck was cursing himself inside his head. All of this was his fault no matter how many times Blair said no.

"Ok that's it I will be back in a few hours with her release papers." The doctor put out his hand for Chuck to shake.

"Thanks." Chuck left go of his hand and went back in the room. Blair was flipping through the channels annoyed that the two were in the hall talking about her.

"What was that all about?" she threw the remote by her feet. Chuck picked her up in his arms and moved her over so he could lie beside her. "You could have asked you know." Blair wasn't in the mood for any cuteness.

"What would be the fun in that?" Chuck pulled her back so she was lying in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"Answer my question Bass." Blair knew what he was doing but it wouldn't work.

"He just wanted to know if you had a way home today. So I told him yes I'm taking you."

"You don't have to Chuck really I can get someone else to." She didn't want Chuck to feel tied to her out of guilt.

"I'm taking you no more arguments."

"Chuck you don't have to stay with me. Once we leave here we can go back to being friend I don't want you to feel indebted to me." Chuck cut her off with a kiss.

"I don't feel indebted to you. I want to be here with you now and once we get home. I love you Blair and nothing you say will change that."

"But I'm damaged. I have an eating disorder and I tried to kill myself for god sakes. I don't know if you can handle it."

"I'm damaged too we all are. I can handle anything you throw at me I'm Chuck Bass." He gave her his sexy smirk.

"This is your last chance Bass you can leave if you want."

"I'm not going any where without you." Blair looked into his eyes and knew he was telling her the truth. She wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled his face down to her for the most passionate kiss she could give him.

**GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG**

The whole way to her house Blair kept playing with the bottoms of her long sleeved top. She wanted to hide the bandages as long as she could because surprising gossip girl hadn't heard anything about her hospital stay. Chuck grabbed her hands multiple times but she just kept pulling them away. Since she did what she did she hated people touching her arms it made her feel like they were examining her every time.

"Blair clam down we are almost there." Chuck really didn't want to bring her back to her place but he had not choice in the matter. So badly he wanted to bring her back to the hotel and make sure nothing ever hurt her again. Blair just kept looking out the window. She couldn't wait to get home, shower and sleep in her own bed. She had slept a lot at the hospital but she was still so tired. Suddenly the limo stopped and the drive informed Chuck there was an accident and it would be a while. Blair couldn't wait any longer. She pushed Chuck the furthest he could go and then laid her head on his lap.

"You should have told me you were still tired baby." Chuck couldn't help but be worried about the broken girl on his lap.

"Sorry." She moved her head around so she could get comfy and then shut her eyes. The last thing she remember was Chuck rubbing her back and hair to sooth her. About an hour later Chuck was waking her up.

"Blair we're home come on." Blair thought she was dreaming when he said we're home. Slowly she sat up and got out of the limo. The whole way into the building and on the elevator ride up Blair was leaning on Chuck for support. Once the doors open she stood straight and walked into her house. Dorota was standing there waiting for them with a big smile on her face.

"Miss Blair I am happy you ok." Dorota pulled her into a hug. "I miss you."

"I missed you too." Blair pulled back from the hug and went for her room. Chuck was right behind her with everything from the hospital.

"Still tired Blair." Blair turned to answer Chuck just as she was opening her door.

"Ya" Once she turned around she heard someone yell.

"Welcome home B." Serena and Nate were in her room with balloons and flowers every where and also a banner that said Welcome Home." Serena ran to Blair pulled her into a hug.

"I am so glad you're home."

"Me too." Blair walked into her room and sat on her bed with her three best friends. There really was no place like home.

_I have a face I cannot show  
I make the rules up as I go  
Just try and love me if you can  
Are you strong enough to be my man?_

When I've shown you that I just don't care  
When I'm throwing punches in the air  
When I'm broken down and I can't stand  
Would you be MAN ENOUGH to be my man?

Lie to me  
I promise I'll believe  
Lie to me  
But please don't leave

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry this wasn't up earlier but I was at the hospital with my grandma. I brought my laptop so I could write while she was sleeping and I did start this chapter but then there were two very sexy doctors that just happened to be my grandmas doctors and they were on the night shift so I got all caught up in talking to the very sexy men and thinking of naughty things to do with them lol. But anyways here it is and I hope you like is. :) **


	10. Harder To Breathe

_How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable  
So condescending, unnecessarily critical  
I have the tendency of getting very physical  
So watch your step, 'cause if I do you'll need a miracle  
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here  
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear  
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone  
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on_

Blair had been doing well so far for her first month home. She was eating normally and nobody talked about "the incident". Blair had already been back to school and everything was getting back to normal. Chuck was with her every waking moment and was always just a phone call away at night. Blair couldn't be happier then she was that first month. Slowly that all started to change. She didn't tell anyone but she was starting to slip again. She had lost so much weight when she was sick it was making her crazy to have it coming back on. She felt horrible knowing what she was doing to her body but she didn't care. Blair was standing in front of her mirror getting ready for school checking her self over just to make sure her "fat" wasn't sticking out anywhere. Before she pulled on her dress shirt she ran her fingers over the mark on her collarbone.

_Flashback_

"_Chuck what are you doing her?" it was past midnight and Blair was already in bed._

"_What you're moms not here to bust me." He pulled her into his arms and gave her a deep kiss._

"_Ok but that doesn't tell me what you are doing here." She was trying her best to keep a straight face and not smile._

"_Well you are never going to believe this but I missed you." Blair couldn't help but smile at him now._

"_I missed you to but you could have called."_

"_But I wanted a kiss." Blair knew where he was going with this._

"_Just a kiss well then you already got it so you can leave." Chuck just held her tighter and grinned into her neck._

"_I want to kiss you in other places too." Before Blair could answer Chucks lips were back on hers and he was pulling at her clothes. The next thing Blair felt was her bed hitting the backs on her legs which she more then willingly let give out. Chuck was lying on top of her looking down and smiling._

"_Do you know how beautiful you are?" Blair just blushed at his kind words. Slowly Chuck made his way down her neck sucking hard and smiling at the mark he left. It didn't take Blair long to take off his clothes so they were both fully naked. That night for the first time in a while they made love._

_End Flashback_

It had been a few days ago and the mark was starting to fade but it still brought a smile to her face. Pulling on her last shirt she ran for the stairs because she was going to be late. The first part of her day went by just like every other one boring as hell. When the lunch bell rang Blair had never been happier to hear it. Getting her normal small tray of food to pick at so Serena wouldn't as questions she headed out to the courtyard to sit with the non-judging breakfast club plus Brooklyn. Putting her tray on the table she slid into the spot next to Chuck. Feeling her beside him he kissed her cheek and pulled her closer to him.

"Hey B what took you so long." Serena was picking through her salad pulling out the stuff she didn't like.

"I don't S am I timed now." Everyone could hear the edge in her voice.

"Holy bitchy batman I was just asking." Before the girls could start yelling at each other Nate cut in.

"Vanessa has this thing at the art gallery and she wanted to know if you guys wanted to go?" Since the incident the group had gotten closer to Dan and Vanessa. Well as close as they could get with them.

"Sure." The two girls answered at the same time which made them smile. Blair and Serena could never stay mad at each other for long. The group started back up their conversations when Chuck pulled Blair closer so he could whisper in her ear.

"You feeling ok today?" She was starting to look pale from what she was doing to herself again.

"Ya just tired." She turned to face him and smiled hoping to god that he was fooled. Once the bell ran the group headed their different ways and went to class.

_When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster  
That lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there?  
'Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
What you are doing is  
Screwing things up inside my head  
You should know better  
You never listened to a word I said  
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat  
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did..._

Blair was at home in her room trying to do her homework. Her throat and body was killing her from throwing up as many times as she had today. She hated herself for what she was doing but she couldn't help it. She had told her consoler how she was feeling but she did nothing about it. Blair laid on her back rubbing her hands over her stomach and pinching the fat at her side. She was about to look in the mirror again when Dorota called her for dinner.

"Ms Blair it's time to eat." Blair really didn't want to but Dorota was under strict instructions to call Serena if Blair put up a fight.

"Coming." Sighing she threw open her door and went down the stairs. Since she had been out of the hospital it was like she was on lockdown. Everyone was always calling to see how she was or watching her to make sure she didn't lose it again and it was really starting to get to her. Sitting at the table she started to eat and watch Dorota "cleaning" the dinning room and watch Blair at the same time.

"I'm done now thank you." She handed her plate back to Dorota and went back to her room. Blair was trying her best to keep her food down and she lasted about an hour before she gave in. getting up from her bed she ran into her bathroom, shut the door and got on her knees just like she always did. Before she even brought her fingers to her mouth she was already crying. Through her tears and the running water she didn't hear someone come into her room until it was too late. She was bent over the toilet about to throw up when she felt a pair of strong arms go around her body.

"Blair what the hell are you doing." Chuck was pissed about what he just saw but he was also worried.

"I'm sorry." Was all Blair could get out before she threw up. Chuck couldn't stand to leave her there alone so he pulled her hair back and rubbed her back. once she was done she flushed away the evidence and fell back against the tub crying.

"Blair why are you doing that again? You were doing so good." Blair could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry I told you I was damaged."Chuck was starting to get pissed.

"Enough with the damaged thing already Blair. We are all damaged but you don't see us all killing ourselves slowly do you?" Chuck knew he was being harsh with her but he had no choice.

"I'm sorry I am such a horrible person." Blair was preparing for the fight she knew was coming.

"Nobody said you were horrible I just don't know why you hurt yourself the way you do." Chuck tired to brush the hair off her face but she pulled away.

"You think I like this? Do you think I like being fat or making myself sick I hate it I just can't stop." Blair pulled her knees up to her chest and cried. Chuck tried to pull her into a hug when she snapped. "Don't touch me. I can tell by the look ok your face I make you sick." Chuck just looked on her in shock.

"Baby don't say that." Chuck tried again but she slapped him across the face.

"Get out."

"Blair I'm not leaving you like this." He was so confused by what she was doing.

"Get out I don't want you here." Chuck hung his head and gave in.

"Fine but when you come out of this don't call me. If I walk out that door I'm done." Chuck waited to see if she would say anything but she just stayed there staring at her feet. Chuck got up and left the bathroom stopping at the door to take a second look. He couldn't believe it after everything they went through that she would just give up like that. After she didn't say anything or move he left and slammed her bedroom door for affect. Once Blair heard the door slam she snapped out of it and realized what had just happened. Jumping up off the floor she ran into her room but it was empty. Looking over at her bed she saw a bouquet of cream roses lying there with a note. She picked up the note and read it.

_I am so proud of you. I know this has been hard but you're doing good. I love you_

_Chuck xoxo._

Holding the note close to her chest she broke down again. How could she let the man she loved just walk out like that? Crawling into her bed she pulled the roses up so they were flush with her body and smelled them. They smelt amazing and clamed her down. Before she knew it she was fast into an anything but peaceful sleep.

__

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love  
You'll understand what I mean when I say  
There's no way we're gonna give up  
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster  
That lives in her dreams  
Is there anyone out there?  
'Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe  
Does it kill?  
Does it burn?  
Is it painful to learn  
That it's me that has all the control?  
Does it thrill?  
Does it sting  
When you feel what I bring  
And you wish that you had me to hold?


	11. Running Away

**A/N:I so know what you are thinking. OMG there is an update lol. I know I am horrible and should be burned at the stake. I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to update. My life has taken a crazy turn and turns out I'm gonna me a mommy yay me. So far it's been kicking my ass and making me sick and tired so I'm trying my best. Well anyways here is another chapter and once again I am so sorry for how long it took please forgive me ******

Blair couldn't believe what she did. She pushed away the one person who loved her the most. It had been two weeks since the fight in the bathroom and she hadn't heard from him since. She had call many times and sent many messages but all were unreturned or unanswered. She was trying her best not to throw up any more and doing pretty good if she did say so herself. The only thing she needed now was Chuck. Blair was lying in her bed watching Breakfast at Tiffany's eating breakfast in bed. Her life had been so boring without Chuck in it and she wanted the excitement back. Looking around her room she felt lower then she had in years. Is this what her life has really become? A lonely spinster sitting in her room remembering the good times. Blair tried her best to think of a plan to get herself back on her feet. After showering and getting dresses she decided that she needed to go shopping to cheer her up. Wanting to shop alone she grabbed her bag and sunglasses and headed out to the street. After the first few stores she could feel the smile returning to her face and the happiness coming back. It was three hours into the shopping trip and several bags later Blair was walking up the street to get something to eat. Blair was so much in her own little world she barley heard her phone ring. Stopped dead in her tracks Blair dug through her bag to find her cell before the person hung up. Looking down at the screen she smiled.

"Hey S what's up?" Blair and Serena hadn't talked in a few days and Serena was starting to get worried.

"Hey B nothing much I just haven't heard from you for a while and wanted to see what you were doing?"

"I was out shopping now on my way to lunch." Blair looked to the side of her getting ready to hail and cab when she say something that stopped her heart. Chuck and some other woman standing beside his limo and it looked like he was kissing her neck. Blair's breath caught in her throat and she froze.

"Blair are you there hello." Serena was yelling into the phone trying to get Blair's attention.

"S I have to go." Blair didn't want for the response and just hung up. Trying her best to fight back the tears that was threatening to fall she found a cab and headed home. How could he move on so fast? Blair kept going over it again and again it her head. Her heart was breaking in her chest. She couldn't believe what she had just seen. All she knew was she needed to get out of the city as fast as she could and she knew just who to call.

"Daddy."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Serena was pacing back and forth in her room. Since the phone call she had tried Blair over and over again with no answer. She needed to know what happened that made Blair just hand up. She called her house and she wasn't home yet. Serena truly didn't know what to do. Serena knew what Blair had been going through lately and that's what worried her more. Serena tried Blair's cell again but to no avail so she did the one thing she could think of. Listening to the ringing on the other she was growing impatient. Hearing the voice on the other end just added to it.

"Yes sister dearest what can I do for you." Chuck was slouched over in his limo high out of his mind.

"Have you heard from Blair?" Serena was in no mood for his shit.

"Way to go for the jugular sis." Chuck tried his best to avoid everything to do with Blair since the fight.

"I'm serious Chuck something is wrong with her." Hearing that made Chuck sit up straight in his seat. No matter how much the fight hurt he still loved her and worried about her.

"What do you mean?" the worry was evident in his voice.

"I was talking to her earlier and she was out shopping and fine but then something happened and she just hung up and now she won't answer her phone." Serena had a feeling it had something to do with Chuck. When ever Blair was hurt it was always Chuck.

"I'll try and call her." The two step siblings ended their call and then Chuck dialled a number he hadn't in a while. Listening to her voice mail he reluctantly talked.

"Blair its Chuck. Call me or Serena when you get this we're worried." Chuck hung up his phone and put it on the seat beside him. He was worried now too. No matter what they said in the fight he still loved her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Blair saw her phone flashed on the bed beside her suitcase. Her phone had been vibrating nonstop but she really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. In a few hours she would be on a flight to France to stay with her dad until she was fixed. She knew running away was stupid but to her this was the only way for her to get better. Looking at her phone she decided to check it one last time before she got into her awaiting town car. Pressing the button to light it up she saw the missed call from Chuck and her heart broke all over again. Sliding down the side of her bed she cried as she put in her password for her voicemail. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Chuck Bass was worried about her. After what she had seen a little while ago it was hard to believe. Deleting the message she turned her phone off and threw it in her bag. This time tomorrow she would be in France, in her new bed cuddling with cat forgetting the world.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Serena and Chuck kept trying to call her cell but kept getting voicemail. Finally having enough Serena got her coat and went to Blair's. The whole way there Serena's mind was always going back to the worst. What if she was passed out in the bathroom from throwing up? What if she tired to hurt herself again? Thinking these things was driving Serena crazy and she couldn't get to Blair's fast enough. Two blocks from her house she just got out of the cab and walked it would have been a lot faster then trying to get through New York traffic. Serena finally got to the penthouse to find it empty.

"Blair are you here?" Serena started walking through the house to make sure she wasn't passed out somewhere. As she was walking up the stairs her phone went off. Looking down at the screen it was like as it she was psychic there was a message from Blair.

"_I'm going away from a while. He's hurt me too much and to many times. I'm broken and I need to fix me. I'll call you when I land love you._

_B xoxo"_

Serena couldn't believe what she was reading. Blair was running away because of Chuck. As far as she knew they hadn't talked since she kicked him out of her room. Doing the only thing she could think of she called the man who was responsible for all of this.

"Did you find her?" Chuck has been checking his phone every two minutes praying for a call from her.

"Chuck what the hell did you do now." Chuck was caught off guard by her yelling.

"What are you talking about?"

"She sent me a text saying she was going away because you hurt her too much what did you do lately." Serena was going over it in her mind where she would have gone.

"I haven't talked to her so I couldn't have done anything. Where is she going and when is she coming back?" Chuck was getting more frantic wanted to know where she was.

"She didn't say either but the only place she would have gone is to her dad's in France." Hearing France made Chuck hurt even more. Both Serena and Chuck knew she wouldn't fly commercial so she would be at the private air field that the Bass's use.

"I'm going to get her." Serena was shocked by what she was hearing.

"Chuck she's mad at you she won't listen."

"I don't care. I love her and there is no way in hell I am letting her get away that easy." Chuck hung up his phone before he could hear an answer from Serena. Little did he know she was smiling looking down at her phone that Chuck was stepping up.

Blair was looking out the window watching the city pass her by. She couldn't believe she had the nerve to just go but here she was on her way to her new life. She was going to miss New York and Serena but she really did need to fix herself. Wiping away the tears on her cheeks she vowed that she would never shed a single tear for him again. Before she knew it she the car had stopped and her door was being opened. By the time she stepped out her bags were sitting in front of the plane waiting to be loaded. Blair gave once last look around before she started the walk towards the plane. Blair had her foot on the bottom step when she heard a door slam and her name being calling.

"Blair." When she didn't turn around right away he tired again. "Blair please stop." Chuck was relived when he saw her put both feet back on the ground. Taking off running he met her up at the plane.

"What are you doing here?" She didn't want to cry anymore for him but it was getting really hard right now.

"Don't leave." It wasn't a question it was more of a demand.

"Why would I stay so I can watch you with other women like today?" Before he could talk she turned to walk away which cause him to grab her arm and spin her around.

"What are you talking about?" Chuck was confused he hadn't been with another girl since her.

"I saw you with the girl kissing her neck and laughing. I was stupid to think you could ever really love me." She knew her words would hurt him but she was sick on being hurt by him. Chuck looked at her hurt and confused and then it hit him what girl it was.

"She was from a company. I was taking her out to try and convince her to go with us. I wasn't kissed her I was telling her something. There has never been another girl since you. You may not believe but I loved you and I still do that is why I'm standing here like an idiot." Blair couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wanted so bad to be with him she missed him so much. "Baby you have to believe me." He wiped away the tears that were falling that once again he was causing.

"I do." Giving up like this wasn't something Blair did but she was sick of doing this alone. "I'm still broken and need to be put back together."

"We will put you back together."

**A/N: So here is the last chapter. I am really not sure how I feel about this. It was written over a few days so I'm not sure how it flows. As always reviews are much loved. I hope you liked my story and hopefully I will be starting a new one soon.**


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